Ode to Athens, Georgia

I'm channeling your wooded neighborhoods and historic mansions through some Bon Iver. I listened to Bon Iver almost religiously while living in Athens so whenever I hear Justin Vernon's melancholy vocals, all I need to do is close my eyes and I can see the sunlight filtering through the blinds in my bedroom, the tree in front of our old townhome casting leafy shadows. I recall the musty smell of an old home whose windows were painted shut and never opened in the almost two full years we lived there.

Athens, you were both kind and mean to me. Kind in your generous array of activities and delicious restaurants. Kind in your historical Southern charm. Kind in your friendly people. Mean in your life lessons. Mean in the harshness with which you thrust me into reality. Mean in your loneliness and isolation.

I hated you when we were together but now that we've had some distance- hindsight is 20/20. I see you clearly now.

As a newly married, recently graduated young woman, I was ready for the next big adventure. I was excited for a new town, new faces, a new place to discover.

I wasn't ready for the rejection, isolation, and plain confusion about my life's direction.

But, honestly, I've gotten over that now. I can see you clearly and I think as the years continue to pass my vision will become sharper and sharper regarding this period in my life.

You were the first place I truly created a home with my husband. We learned to rely on each other here. We were literally hundreds of miles away from any of our relatives. We hated being away from family but there was a closeness born in that isolation and I'm grateful for developing that closeness early in our marriage.

I was lonely with you, Athens. You forced me out from behind friends, family, school assignments, and a general curtain of everything that I understood to be the norm and bore me naked before myself. When your jobs repeatedly rejected me, my self-esteem dropped. When I had a hard time making friends, I questioned my worth. When Brenden was away for hours every day and I was alone with myself, I realized I didn't like who I was. Alone and stripped of everything I thought made up who I was, I was forced to confront myself with all layers peeled away-- this soft, tender thing I didn't know what to do with.

Athens, you helped me remember that I am a creative being. I don't mean creative in the generic artistic sense of creativity; but I mean to actual create things, to build, to make, to produce. To be happy, I must create. When I was alone, I would write and draw and paint and sew. Hobbies I had forgotten, I discovered anew.

I also spent a lot of time thinking when we were together, Athens. I grew closer to my Savior. I found joy in service. I really came to love the temple when I lived with you. The Atlanta temple will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you for helping me rediscover myself through my relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father.

Occasionally, when I'm feeling nostalgic, I'll check out the my_athens hashtag on instagram. Today I was missing your autumns and I looked you up on there. I saw pictures of your fiery trees against blue skies, your historic buildings, your classic campus, your quirky restaurants and stores. I missed you even more.

Oh, Athens. You were named after the city that was home to the academy of Plato and Aristotle. You were destined to be a place of learning. Thank you for your lessons. You continue to teach me as I reflect on my time with you.

Athens, I love you.

Halloween Mix 2014

I finally completed my 2014 Halloween Mix just in time for Halloween tomorrow! I only put it on Spotify this time.

The standout Really Weird Song this time around is hands down a song (covered) by The Carpenters called "Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft." I just can't believe the carpenters recorded this. The point of the song is that we all have telepathic abilities and that if we all think about the words of this song at the same time (I guess?), our combined telepathic message will reach the aliens in space.

Forget Satellites. Just listen to The Carpenters.

Putting this mix together got me thinking about the different levels of metaphor that are in play whenever the supernatural is used in fiction and in lyrics of songs. Maneater is a very simple metaphor, the song Monsters by Lucius is simply about self-defeating thought processes compared to monsters under the bed, and one of the songs in here is actually about environmental concerns.

I've been reading Dracula by Bram Stoker for my Halloween Book this year and there's some really really interesting stuff in there about the nature of evil and how the very worst evils are twisted versions of things that are actually holy. 

So yeah, use some critical thinking this Halloween because there's a lot more to all of this weird, often obnoxious supernatural stuff than you might think. Until you think more, I mean.

So anyways, ENJOY!

Halloween Mix 2014 on Spotify

Back to School Again: School? What?

So our good friend Jay came down back in September and visited us for an afternoon/evening on the town down here in sunny Galveston. He'd briefly met James before when Natalie was in Utah to see Stef off for her mission. James loved him and, from what I could tell, he loved James also. We spent some time chatting about how our lives have been going and later went to Fudruckers on the strand (where I devoured a long-craved buffalo chicken sandwich - seriously everyone needs to go eat one of these like right now) for dinner. Even later, we went to La King's Confectionery for some shakes/fudge/etc and then we did a bit of window shopping (and by shopping I mean browsing because we can't afford stuff). It was a very enjoyable evening, polished off by some ice-cold Abita root beers. Me and Natalie (myself in particular) aren't always the best at keeping in touch with people but we do love to visit with our old friends when we get the chance.

Jay, Natalie, James and myself at La King's

So anyways when we were talking to Jay it came to my attention that my previous blog post was ambiguous regarding my life plans. I apologize for this lapse in clarity (or relapse, if you prefer). Here's the lowdown: When I was preparing for my DMA (doctorate in musical arts - basically a doctoral performance degree) auditions/interviews, I realized that my reason for wanting to do a DMA was because I wanted to be able to support my family and keep playing the tuba. The idea was to support my family by playing the tuba. But then I realized I could do something else for a living and still play the tuba. For a number of reasons, I determined that a career in music was not what I really wanted (pay, work schedule, job security, ability to live near family, etc). Natalie and I brainstormed all the career paths we could think of and the one that appealed to me the most (by a long shot) was dentistry. I have a grandfather and an uncle who are dentists and it has always been an attractive field to me for a number of reasons, including but not limited to pay, work/family balance, job security, ability to work with your hands, prestige, ability to choose where to work, being a small business owner.

So I cancelled all of my DMA auditions and focused on making the most of my last semester at UGA since this would be the end of my formal music education. Natalie did a bunch of research into how to get into dental school and we made a long term plan: We would move back to Texas, I would get a job for a year so we could save up money and I could regain in-state status (and therefore save tons of money on tuition), I would start from scratch and take the core science classes required as prerequisites for dental school, and then I apply to dental school. As one might justifiably assume, the plan also includes getting accepted, completing dental school and enjoying a successful career in dentistry.

After going to Philmont last summer I applied for some jobs and was fortunate to find work in Galveston at ANICO (American National Insurance Corporation) in the Annuities department as a transfer processor. My job was to handle paperwork related to the transfer of funds into annuities at ANICO. I spent my time reviewing paperwork, organizing it to be signed by corporate officers, reorganizing it to be mailed and/or faxed, and following up with any further requirements needed to get the funds transferred to ANICO. When I was two weeks into training on September 16, 2013, I got a call in the middle of lunch from my mother-in-law telling me it was time to head up to Spring because James was on his way. So full time work and fatherhood came at me at basically the same time. It was crazy but it was actually very exciting too.

Here's where I worked.

Like I said, I was only planning to work for a year and then I would go back to school. So I left my Job at ANICO mid-August this year and then began taking pre-requisites for Dental school at Galveston College. The semester has been pretty intense so far. I'm taking 16 hours of courses that people normally advise students not to take simultaneously: Chemistry 1, Biology 1, Physics 2, and Anatomy & Physiology. So far, so good.

Aside from the work skills and experience I developed at ANICO, there are some things I learned about myself that I have been able to use to help me in my studies. One thing I noticed during graduate school is that I have days every now and again where my brain is just totally fried and I can't seem to focus on anything for more than 20 minutes at a time. To combat this, I would use a stopwatch to give myself 25 minutes to study or practice followed by 5 minutes of reading from a comic book or watching something on YouTube or whatever. Unfortunately, I was unable to use this method to stay productive while I was at ANICO due to intermittent surveillance by management. Instead, I had to find ways to keep busy for hours at a time. I discovered that listening to certain types of music helps me to focus. Due to my background in music, I can't listen to classical music without thinking pretty deeply about it. This occasionally happens with more popular music as well, especially Jazz and other improvisation-based musics. Long story short, I learned at ANICO that sometimes I can't concentrate unless I'm listening to Radiohead.

Another thing I learned from working at ANICO is that, if I can exercise self-control at the beginning of the day to keep away from distractions, I will have a pretty easy time of staying focused for the rest of the day. So if I start out a study session by taking a break, that study session is not likely to be very productive. I saw a fortune cookie once that exemplifies this: "Laziness is resting before you are tired." So when I rest before I've done a decent amount of mental exertion, I'm embracing a state of mind that will prevent me from being able to do what needs to be done. This is probably why it takes me a day or so to recover mentally from the prolonged laziness of binge-watching TV.

Other lessons from ANICO that have helped me in school: Skipping meals and overeating both make it hard to focus/remain conscious, having a new baby makes it difficult to impossible to achieve and maintain consciousness, PTO is awesome, getting paid for overtime is awesome, mandatory overtime on Saturdays is not awesome, and I really really don't want to work under 4+ levels of management for the rest of my life.

My biggest challenges at school so far have been time management and learning how to actually read my textbooks. I've never actually had to keep up with assigned textbook readings in order to do well in my classes, and there was one advanced music history course I took at BYU where I did better on exams when I didn't spend my time reading the textbook. I know that reading my books this semester isn't actually necessary for me to do well in these classes either, but I'm not learning stuff just for the exams I have in the next few weeks; I'm trying to prepare for an exam that I won't be taking for a year and a half that will be cumulative on almost everything I come across in my classes until then, including all those fun bits of knowledge that can be found only by reading the textbooks. Furthermore, I'm pretty sure that an improved ability to learn from textbooks will be necessary for me to do well in dental school.

My favorite study spot at the Moody Medical Library

Fun facts!

1. Last year being the only exception, I've been in school every year since Kindergarten in September of 1995. 
2. Starting this semester I am a 19th grader.
3. This will be my 21st year of school if you count Head Start and Kindergarten.
4. Based on my calculations, I only have 6 or 7 more years of school to go until I'm done! 
5. When I graduate dental school, I will have spent about 27 years of my life in school.
6. I have been playing the tuba for 10 years now.

Coming soon: Halloween Mix 2014 and Philmont 2013!

Thanks for reading!

James' Birthday and Party

For James' actual birthday on September 16th, James woke up and we opened some presents and cards that he had received in the mail. My dad was able to visit for a little while in the morning before going to work later and we had a yummy birthday breakfast with James. After James' morning nap, Uncle Joe and Aunt Ernie came by with a variety of delicious food for lunch. Aunt Ernie was sure to get James some noodles because in Filipino culture eating long noodles on your birthday is kind of like a birthday wish for a long life. Later in the day, Brenden, my dad, my mom, James and I all went to James' favorite restaurant for dinner- Gorditas. James is a HUGE fan of Mexican food. Lastly we went to my parents' for some cake and cookies. Obviously, in my family we celebrate with food. Also, Brenden was in class all day and my parents were both working so we decided to save most of the celebration for the weekend.

Family picture! This is basically how James is most of the time.

At the end of James' birthday week, we threw him a big dinosaur birthday party. I figured this will probably be one of the only years James will not have many preferences regarding how his birthday is celebrated so I decided to pick a theme I wanted to work with to put the party together. I'm pretty sure James loves dinosaurs anyway so it's all good.

I originally was going to have his party at the park near our home but with the threat of thunderstorms and the swarms of mosquitoes we decided to move his party indoors. Since I knew there would be some kids there and we were no longer having it at the park, I decided it would be a good idea to make the house a little more exciting for the children. The decision to do something a "little more exciting" quickly escalated as I found tons and tons of ideas online for dinosaur-themed parties. My mom and I got a bit carried away. We wrangled in a few more helpers along the way but I definitely couldn't have done it without my mom. Thank you to everyone who helped make the party a successful, fun event! It was a blast!

Decorations:  We put dinosaur footprints leading up to the front door for the arriving guests and had birthday signs with balloons outside. My mom wrapped some orange streamers and greenery on some plain wreaths she had and hotglued a few plastic dinosaurs to it. We set up a little dinosaur scene on the desk shelf in the front room. Pinterest-inspired streamer vines hung against the back wall of the dining room where the cakes were displayed. We found a fun customization banner kit at Walmart to make our "Sweet Baby James" sign. 

Food: This party had a lot of sweets! We had chocolate cupcakes topped with chocolate rocks and dinosaur chocolates and gummies. We had chocolate "1" lollipops. We had pudding and oreo cups-- the classic "dirt" cups but instead of gummy worms we used dinosaur gummies for some dinosaur digs. We had dinosaur shaped cookies and cookies with dinosaur footprints. We had a homemade two-tiered cake with Italian cream cake on one layer and an almond cake on the other. We also had a chocolate dinosaur cake for James' cake smash. We had fruit, salad, veggies, egg rolls, pancit, hot dogs, and chicken salad sandwiches. 

Activities: We had a few kids at the party and I wanted them to have something fun to do too while the adults visited. My dad built a bean bag toss and I painted a gigantic T-Rex and sewed T-bone steak bean bags for a fun "Feed the T-Rex" game. We also had a cute dinosaur piñata which actually didn't suffer too much at the hands of the kids and could potentially be used again. (Maybe for Reuben's 31st birthday party??) In lieu of presents I asked all the guests to write a birthday message and decorate a page for me to include in James' birthday scrapbook. It turned out really well and saved me a lot of time on scrapbooking! We had little gift boxes for kids to take home that had some more candy including dinosaur eggs (jelly beans), a little container of bubbles with a dinosaur on it, and a foam dinosaur sticker. We also had some fun dinosaur masks.  

Of course, we wouldn't have a party if we had no one to celebrate with! Here's a couple collages of some of our friends who came to celebrate with James. A lot of these pictures will be used in their scrapbook pages with their birthday messages to James. 

Here's James with his attempted cake smash. At this point in the party he was already getting pretty tired and he wasn't very interested in smashing into the cake. He dipped his finger in and tried some frosting but when everyone laughed, he must have gotten super self-conscious and didn't want anything else to do with that cake. 

Gariby grandparents with James wearing his birthday crown for about two seconds

James with his McQuay grandparents who were super awesome and drove all the way down from Spring for the party.

At the end of the party with both sets of grandparents, you can obviously tell James is done for the day. 

It was so fun to celebrate James' first year of life with family and friends. I still can't believe my little baby boy is one year old!

One Year

At the beginning of this month, I celebrated 26 years of life on this beautiful planet. That means for 25 years, 1 week, and 1 day, I existed without you here. How is that possible?

We measure our life in units of time because that's what makes sense. The passage of time is universal; it's one of the only things that every human experiences. Before your first birthday, we counted months. Before you were born, we counted weeks. You are one year old now. Every year on September 16th we'll celebrate you and the joy you have brought into our lives.

I can hardly believe we've already reached this point. How has it been a year since I first held you in my arms, both enamored and terrified? Yes, I was terrified. Despite all I'd read to prepare for your birth, I was completely unprepared for the realization that I was now responsible for another human being's well-being. It didn't hit me until I held you in my arms-- this tiny, helpless baby, beautiful beyond the description of words and completely mine.

Here we are a year later. You are still more beautiful than I could describe and still fairly helpless and I am still pretty terrified of my responsibility at times. So what has changed? 

Everything.

My entire world has transformed since you entered it a year ago. I still feel so inadequate in many areas but in others I am more confident. You have taught me patience and kindness the way no one else could. You have taught me how to slow down. You have taught me a fully checked off to-do list should not be the measure of my day's worth. You've taught me one smile or a giggle can turn a terrible, sleep-deprived morning around. You've taught me to trust myself as a mother. Thank you for being a patient teacher. I'm excited to learn more this year.  

You are radiant. You are the light that fills each beautiful day of my life. I will never have a gray day as long as you are here. 

Happy Birthday, Sweet Baby James.