So...

It's been two months and two days since my last post here.

Sorry about that.

A lot of things happened during those two months. My parents and my sister came to visit at the end of July and then Brenden's mother and sisters came to visit right after. Brenden started school again and did so well in his auditions that he made both the top band and orchestra for the year. Brenden celebrated his twenty-third year of life. I celebrated my twenty-fourth. I got more blood drawn and an additional diagnosis (what are we on now, like, six?) Some of my hair has started to grow back. We discovered some fun hiking trails on UGA campus. And sadly, Brenden's dear great-grandpa Vern Nelson passed away. We were saddened to hear of his passing but so grateful for the life he lived and the lives he touched, especially our own.

Each of these items deserve posts of their own. And I might get to them some day. But for now I just wanted to say hello. We are here. I'll try to be better about this blog thing.

During these past two months and two days I've been absent, I've thought a lot about what it means to be an adult. I've thought about how much I miss my carefree days of childhood. I've thought about what independence entails. I've thought about the importance of maintaining family relationships across the miles.

And I came to a profound realization: I worry a lot. Probably too much.

I worry so much I literally get sick from worrying. And then I make Brenden sick of my worrying. And then I worry that Brenden isn't worrying enough. And then I worry that our lives are ruined, we'll be poor forever and die alone.

But at least I'm sane enough to recognize this is a problem.

I'm going to work on it. In fact, I'm currently working on it. For my birthday, I got roller blades.

Let me explain how those two previous sentences are related. I miss those carefree days of childhood and while I will never be able to completely return to those days, I can revisit them on occasion. And I will revisit them by rollerblading up and down my block, across park sidewalks and around a roller rink.

I'll revisit those days in jokes with my husband, free sporting events, ice cream scoops, and movies. I'll revisit them by not cleaning the house and saying out loud, "MY HOUSE IS A MESS AND I'M GOING TO BE OKAY WITH IT RIGHT NOW AND NOT FEEL LIKE A FAILURE."

I'll revisit those days by trusting my Heavenly Father has a plan for me and Brenden.

Today Brenden and I were told our car would need close to a thousand dollars in repairs. (We're taking the car to another mechanic tomorrow to see if that quote holds true.) I worried about that all day today while I was at work. The worrying accomplished nothing except giving me an upset stomach.

Would you like to know what I did when I came home? I decided I'd stop worrying about it.

And then I put on my roller blades and skated throughout the house doing laundry and putting away dishes. (Brenden was a little annoyed to learn that I was handling stacks of plates while rollerblading.)

I've learned (and am still learning) that being an adult comes with a lot of responsibilities I never had to deal with as a child. But it also comes with a lot of freedom I never had as a child. Sometimes I feel I would gladly trade this freedom to avoid those responsibilities. I know that's not an option and I suppose when I really think about it, if I did have that option, I still wouldn't choose it. I have a lot to be grateful for right now and I wouldn't trade it for a few more days practicing softball or winning spelling bees (because I always won spelling bees.)

When I think too much about what the future may entail, I get overwhelmed. But, you know, I don't have to figure it out all at once. I can take it step by step, rollerblading glide by glide.

And really, who would want to be a child again when, as an adult, you can rollerblade throughout the house and no one is going to yell at you?

And for some spiritually uplifting words of wisdom I recommend listening to/watching this video. A friend shared it with me a couple days ago and I loved it. It's an audio clip from a devotional Elder F. Enzio Busche gave at BYU in 1996. You can find the talk in its entirety HERE.