A Season for Everything

Brenden, James and I just got back from a fun trip to Utah this past week. We were able to visit family and friends and show James some of our favorite places. We spent a lot of time in Provo and a few days at our alma mater, Brigham Young University.

While at BYU, we explained to James that was where Brenden and I both went to school, as well as some of his aunts and his uncles and his grandparents. He excitedly declared he wanted to go to school there too when he grew up. We told him that was definitely something he could do!

And then he asked if we could come with him when he goes.

Well, no, we can't.

We tried to explain to him that he'll be old enough to live on his own and that he will make lots of good friends. But it wasn't reassuring enough.

Sometimes we forget he is only two years old.

So we told him yes, maybe we can go to school with you.

Right now we are James' whole world and the concept of being without us for any extended period of time is incomprehensible. At times, that is frustrating because we understand that being parents is only one aspect of who we are (a huge, important aspect) and we want time for ourselves. But sometimes, a lot of the time, including during this exchange between toddler and parents, it is a very sweet thing. He loves us so much he never wants us to be away from him.

I know that won't last. I know that someday he will not want me around. I know that in the future the idea of going away to college, especially without us, will be an exciting thought. I know that someday my home will not be a place where he lives, that when he spends a night here he will be carrying a bag with all of his things because his home exists outside of my walls. I know these things but right now, just like with James, the concepts are incomprehensible to me.

So at bedtime when I am frustrated he won't go to sleep and he says to me in his little voice, "Mommy, I snuggle you," I will wrap my arms around his little body and hold him close. When he tugs at my arm to come play with him, when he asks me if I can please help him, I will try my best to be present, to be there with him in that moment.

Because some day I won't be.