AWOL

Hello Dear Friends,

It's been awhile since we last spoke. These past few weeks have been busy. I mean, they have been overflowing with things to do, things to have done, and thinking- lots and lots of thinking. Things have since been done or neglected and the thinking continues. But I'll provide a little update and a lot of thoughts.

Last week, Brenden and I were lucky enough to spend our Thanksgiving holiday in Utah with friends and the McQuay/Binns family. We got to see several of our friends from school throughout the week and spent Thanksgiving with family. We got to meet a few babies. We ate delicious food, played fun games, went to cool places, and laughed a lot. And I took no pictures. But it was great. Trust me.

Brenden and I both got haircuts recently. Brenden made his first trip to a real barber with a swirly blue, red and white pole outside and everything! His beard was trimmed a teeny bit to make it less "wild caveman" and more "somewhat dignified crazy musician." I cut off over a foot of hair. I considered just trimming it but then I realized I could donate it if I cut off 10 inches or more. So now it's all gone, my hair is super wavy/slightly curly again, and it takes about two seconds to dry. Win.

Brenden turned in his first graduate school term paper the Friday before Thanksgiving which means his diet that week consisted of Mountain Dew and candy and no sleep. While he worked on the paper, I began hand sewing little Christmas ornaments. I have a sewing machine but I don't know how to use it. I should probably learn since I have a feeling my Christmas ornament projects would go by a bit quicker if I used a machine. I may also be inclined to tackle bigger projects if I knew how to use it.

I've been applying for jobs, deciding not to go to graduate school at the moment, and trying to think of creative ways to fund living. Brenden's been practicing for concerts, juries, and military band auditions. We've both been reading a lot and catching up on The Walking Dead. And like I said before, I've been doing a lot of thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about this past year, our first year of marriage. I've thought about the changes we've been through and the struggles we've had. I've thought about the adventures we've been on and the things we still have to look forward to. Brenden and I moved three times this year. First, from Texas to Utah in January after our wedding. We packed up a U-haul with our furniture and braved many icy roads as we drove up to Provo. Second, from Utah back to Texas at the beginning of May after both of our college graduations from BYU. We packed up a larger U-haul, attached our little Honda Civic to the back and drove back down to the good old Lone Star State, surviving the two-day drive on almost only candy and pizza. (Yes, we eat very well in this family.) The third time we moved it was the end of July. We left Texas for Georgia, ending that brief in between period, and started a new chapter including Brenden's graduate school and many days of uncertainty. It's been an eventful year- a wedding, a difficult last semester of college, well-earned graduations, living with family and working in Texas, moving to a new and completely unfamiliar place, beginning graduate school, finishing the first semester of graduate school, and still to come- a visit to our nation's capital for a military band audition, Christmas in Texas, and our first anniversary.

This fall semester has been very difficult for me personally. It's been difficult for Brenden too as he's had to watch me struggle and not known what to do. Without going into too much personal detail, I have had a very hard time finding a decent job and it's led to many feelings of self-doubt and frustration. Additionally, I've decided graduate school is not right for me right now, which has been challenging to accept since it's always been part of my "plan." It's just been a very hard semester with difficulties that blur the features of our future.

Everyone has different circumstances and different struggles at different times. I've been greatly humbled this semester and I'm learning more each day about myself, my capabilities, my husband, my marriage relationship, and my relationships with my Savior and Heavenly Father. I've become familiar with this new city and though I could really do with making some new friends and just feeling like I fit in somewhere here, I know this is where Brenden and I are supposed to be at this time in our lives. That knowledge makes it a little easier.

Brenden and I got to drive out to Atlanta today to go to the temple. We did sealings and it was strange to think it's been almost a year since we got married. While at the temple today, I looked down and saw my un-manicured hands with fingernails I've chewed away with my stupid nervous habit but I also saw my husband's hand holding mine tightly. I looked up into his face and saw him looking directly at me with a gentle, contented smile I only see when we're at the temple. And suddenly, I knew it-- we were okay. Things are okay for us.

I know things are hard right now. And they will be hard tomorrow and next month. And things will probably always be hard some way or another but it's going to be okay. In fact, it is okay. And while I might not be jumping up and down right now because I think my life is just so fantastic (because it isn't-- it's hard), I can hope and dream and work and smile and laugh because my life is good. It's hard but it's good.

And I guess that's our update. We're here. We're alive. Life is hard but it's good.

We're doing well.

Sincerely,
Natalie