My Funny Valentine

James will be five months old this Sunday. Each month of his life has brought new experiences and joy to our lives. He grows every day and I sometimes look at him and find tears brimming on the edges of my eyes because I can’t believe how quickly this time is passing. There are so many things I want to hold onto but know that I can’t. I take pictures almost every day but they don’t capture his personality the way I want them too. His personality is so big it can’t be held in an image no matter how hard I try.

Things I don’t want to forget:

• The way he raises his eyebrows and opens his eyes wide when I do something that intrigues him momentarily.
• The way he smiles and turns his head shyly to the side.
• His full-bodied laugh.
• The way he excitedly kicks his legs out while in his jumper.
• The way he sleeps with his arms wide open.
• His snoring.
• The way he sinks into my arms when he’s just woken up but still drowsy.
• The way he always tries to eat his right hand as soon as I’m trying to pull his sleeve on.
• His (ridiculously loud) happy squeals.

Earlier this week I was worrying about how he hadn’t rolled over since right before he turned two months even though he should be mastering that skill right about now. I laid him on his belly, determined to work with him to get him to roll over. I held one of his toys in front of him to grab his attention and then moved it to the side and up above him, holding his gaze the entire time. As his eyes followed his toy, he moved his whole body to give it his full attention and he rolled over. Just like that. I laughed at how easy it was and rolled him back onto his tummy to try again. We did it another six times in a row before he started getting fussy. It was as though he’d been holding out on me until I started to worry and then it was all, “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ve got this.”  

It’s strange to me how a single month makes such a difference in James’ growth and development. I’ve had years pass that I’ve hardly noticed. This May it will have been seven years since I graduated high school and it feels like it was just yesterday I was a senior in high school singing in our Spring musical. Since James was born, I’ve taken more notice of the quick passage of time. His first month of life was so hard for me and I thought I would never reach that milestone. I was told it would be easier after the first six weeks and I was just waiting to get to that point. It finally came and, yes, it was easier. But ever since then, time has flown and that itty bitty baby I was so nervous to hold because he was so tiny and delicate has become this huge nineteen pound chunksters outgrowing all of his clothes before he can even wear some of them (we are moving into his 9 month clothes now). He’s changing and growing so quickly. My time with him as a baby feels like water I’ve cupped in my hands to drink slipping through the cracks in my fingers. I’m trying to get so much out of this time with him at this stage but I’m worried I’m losing time and I’ll end up thirsting for more when it’s all gone.

Don’t change a hair for me, not if you care for me.

Stay little Valentine stay.